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Growth Is….

May 28, 2009
Alarm sounds off….
Reach to grab it
with no glasses on
Grab the first pair I see
and she shouts
“Dammit, yours are over there!”
…That voice was my Mom’s
and this is our ongoing argument
for the past
10 years.
…Daddy left when I was 10
so that would mean
that my 20-year-old self
just awoke from that alarm.

…I haven’t had my own room
since his departure
‘cept for the one year I stayed on campus
but Daddy yanked me outta there
’cause his pockets were screaming.

…Not too social
Who wants to hang out with someone
that lives 2 hours away?
My Mom moved us around every 3 years
’cause each job wasn’t stable.

…There’s been times when I wasn’t sure
if I could attend school the next day
’cause you either paid rent or
paid for classes.

…Daddy used me as a “show-and-tell”
as in
“Show people your good poetry”
and
“Tell them that I’m your father.”
…The only father he’s been is
the one with the purse
and even that
I have to beg for.

…So, with family life f*cked up
and a forced residence hours away from society
I dug into my books
HARD.
I’ve always had straight A’s
and it wasn’t for material rewards.
…Quetta was always so proud
but whe the cancer took her
I worked even harder
in her memory.

…I wasn’t surprised when
I made NHS
but I couldn’t celebrate with friends
…I had to celebrate with My Mom
(they weren’t trying to travel
and I wasn’t trying to leave early).

…When I graduated high school
I thought
“Yay! College!”
but Daddy’s purse was screaming
so, I had to stay local
and I had to go to “the best school for the best price”
and I had to studyi his major.

When it came to wanting to transfer
I thought
“What’s the best school
for my major
that’s far away
in which I could pay off, eventually?”
Ummm…New York University!
…I conquered its high standards
and was
ACCEPTED!!!
…But even THAT
came with
Bitching and Moaning.
…Dangling his purse
in my face
deciding whether to aid the
Deposit on NYU
’cause He doesn’t like
the major
the distance
the cost.

…He gave up his part, nonetheless
and I cut him off
and I am soon
to sleep in my own bed
to pay my own phone bill
to fund my own life.

…I know Imma be
book-tired, stressed, & hungry
but the tiny mattress
man-purse
and unreasonable opinions
won’t be the reason.
…Growth is.

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One comment

  1. […] This post was Twitted by JA3ROK – Real-url.org […]



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